All The Things I Want To Say But Feel Compelled Not To

Hey guys, remember me? I fell off the face of the Earth so if I don't use the newest, coolest, dopest, raddest feature right...don't kill me. It's been a while. But I'm a bit of an emotional wreck and I can't seem to stop my mind from racing. So I thought, why not yell my frustrations at the internet?! Here's where my head is at...
  1. My best friend in the world was recently diagnosed with breast cancer
    If I could sum her up for you guys, I would, but I honestly wouldn't be doing her justice. Think of your best friend. The best human you know. The kindest. The most genuine and selfless. The most unwaiveringly loyal person you've ever met. Now picture them suffering. I'm at a loss for understanding. I'm trying to be positive and be there, just BE THERE for her. But inside, I'm crumbling to itty bitty pieces. And I can't express that to anyone. I can't put that juju out there. I just can't.
  2. Trump's actions are haunting me
    I know I'm not alone. I know SO many of you feel the absolute gut-wrenching distress of our current state of affairs. Today was just too much. I just can't wrap my brain around the things that are happening. I want to walk the streets with a Salvation Army bell looking for anyone who feels marginalized by Trump and say, HEY, he doesn't speak for us. He's gangrene on an appendage we haven't amputated yet. I'm sorry. I feel for you. I've got you.
  3. It's hard being the funny one
    I'm the comedian. In every group, always. I just have been, forever, and it's a position I value. Being able to cheer people up, ease tension and make people laugh until they hiccup and hurt, is pretty much my one and only talent. But fuck,'s hard sometimes. I have to work really hard to squeeze out a smile on a day like today. A laugh? That's like putting in a 12 hour shift on a day like today. On days like today, I don't feel like being funny; I feel like being left alone.
  4. The healthcare discussion
    All I can think about is what if my best friend loses her healthcare? You can't fight breast cancer on your own. What if my Dad loses his healthcare? You can't fight heart disease on your own. What if my boyfriend, my mother, my Grandparents lose their healthcare? People are going to die. My people are going to die. So many of us are fighting for the right things and it still seems like such an uphill battle. It's a worry that never subsides. Not for one minute.
  5. Platitudes
    People act very uncomfortable when I'm sad. I can be mad all day, and people get it...but some tears or feelings come out and they look at me like I've been body snatched. Then I get the platitudes. "Such is life", "it is what it is", "everything happens for a reason"... Stop giving me the same old robotic bullshit. Those things don't make people feel better, they just piss us off. If you're going to listen, really listen. Listen, contemplate and then speak. No one needs your platitudes.
  6. That's it
    That's all I can semi-succinctly put down on paper, er, screen, tonight. Things are shit sometimes, I get it. It's not going to stay that way. Like Monica's just one of those days.