Life's Unruinables According To @CallTheHotline

I need this. So many of us woke up today feeling overwhelmed by every emotion we could possibly be feeling. We'll get to a place where we move on from here and where we're at the very least, okay. But first, I need to remind myself of what I love, what makes me laugh and what makes my days brighter than the brightest glow stick at the dollar store.
  1. Steve Martin
    Guys, we have The Jerk, Father of the Bride, stand-up and every Carson appearance at our fingertips, at all times!
  2. 90's R&B
    Scientists everywhere argue about which has been more successful in treating bacterial infections, penicillin or 90's R&B. Take one look at TLC and the answer is clear.
  3. Baby animal videos
    Even Suge Knight couldn't resist a sleepy kitten or a puppy that just discovered snow. Seeing these little nuggets is just Insta-happy, any way you slice it.
  4. Jim Henson
    This guy woke up every day with the intention of creating magic. Him doing what he loved fueled my childhood, has given me endless happy memories and inspires me to keep believing and keep pretending, every day. Joy, 24/7, 365...33 years in counting.
  5. The beach.
    This is where I'm from. This is where I spent every single day of my childhood. Freckles, family, boogie boarding, fireworks, ice cream trucks, stars, friends and sunshine. Could you ever be unhappy here? Let me answer for you...no, no you cannot.
  6. Every time Rebecca Bunch does something embarrassing on Crazy Ex Girlfriend.
    Rachel Bloom, we are you and you are us.
  7. Photographs
    I'm the happiest when I'm looking back at photos from our UFO Fest fest, or all the outtakes from trying to take family selfies. I look through my own Instagram all the time, just remembering how fun, weird, and ridiculous every day is. Capturing memories is the coolest, you guys.
  8. Diet Coke
    Holy shit, I love Diet Coke so much. Give me a Diet Coke from the fountain at a movie theater and I've reached utopia.
  9. Animation
    Sometimes I see people on Facebook say, "can someone let me borrow their kid so I can go see *insert animated movie here*". Uh, ya don't need a kid, and ya don't need an excuse. Animated movies and television, whether they're Disney, Dreamworks, or Cartoon Network don't have an age limit. Indulge in animation any chance you get because our bodies need the laughs and the joy. Animation is like milk, but better, and you get it without bugging any cows.
  10. RuPaul
    If only Mama Ru could give each one of us a pep talk every morning when we look in the mirror. Until the brains at MIT figure out a way for every household to get a Ru hologram, we have RuPaul's Drag Race, the music, the comedy, the appearances and the gifs. ALL THE GIFS!
  11. Twitter
    Pretty much everyone peaks at 140 characters. Twitter was the gift we never knew we needed and I'm never returning it.
  12. Reality TV
    Not even sorry. Girls falling for guys, people building houses, chefs competing with shellfish, hip hop stars fighting over radio sound bites, people racing, people outsmarting each other, people wrestling or people just being weird...GIMMIE ALL OF IT. It lights up my life and 10 years from now, I'll still remember that Eddie won Season 1 of Steampunk'd.
  13. Halloween
    Scary movies, colder temperatures, miniature candy bars, David S. Pumpkins, an excuse to buy a new wig, Hocus Pocus... Halloween truly is the perfect holiday and represents my ghoulish heart at its blackest/happiest.
  14. Friendly's chicken fingers with honey mustard.
    If you're a chicken finger connoisseur like I am, you know there's a top to the crispy, delightful pyramid and it exists only at Friendly's. Their honey mustard could end wars, align the planets and offer more satisfaction than finding out there's a fourth Hemsworth.
  15. Brunch
    Ain't no party like a lazily waking up, stumbling to the table for eggs Benedict and bottomless mimosas without any other plans for the day, party!
  16. Movies
    Without them, I wouldn't know who I am. They help me learn, they help me process emotions and situations, they help me relate and they help broaden my mind. When I die, bury with my DVDs. Until then, I'll be watching anything and everything out there, if you need me.