Things I Don't Need On Toast
Why is fancy toast a thing?
- •AvacadosTostitos are my vehicle of choice for avocados, in the form of guacamole. Otherwise, I'm all set.
- •Salmon and cream cheeseWhat about toast screams, "PUT FISH ON ME"?!
- •CucumbersHow delicious and refreshing are cucumbers? SO refreshing! Why are we going to put something so delightful on toast so it can get mildy warm and soggy? You animals.
- •Salsas (of any kind)What is wrong with you? There are plenty of options for driving salsa into your mouth, why are bringing toast into this?!
- •Dried apricotsDid someone hurt you when you were younger? Why are you punishing yourself? It's bad enough you're choosing fruit over a scrumptious alternative like Nutella or even peanut butter...but DRIED fruit? Well, don't you just live the sweet life if you can sit here all morning, just chewing. And chewing...
- •Nuts with a drizzleUh, sprinkling a few nuts around and hitting them with a splash of honey or elderberry whatthefuckever is not a meal. Have fun chewing your arm off while you're stuck in traffic 20 minutes from now.
- •BeansYou've crossed the god damn line.