Things That Should Land You in Jail

  1. Responding to a text with a phone call.
  2. Ordering the same thing as me at a restaurant so I can't have a bite of something else.
  3. Posting anything on social media about your kids' bowel movements.
  4. Agreeing to renew the Big Bang Theory.
  5. Seeing Hamilton twice before I've even seen it once.
  6. Sharing an article that claims "you won't believe what happens next".
  7. Sitting next to me at the movies when there are 3829462528 other open seats.
  8. Having a conversation for more than two seconds at a toll booth.
  9. Asking a question on social media that you could have simply Googled.
  10. Claiming you don't own a TV.
  11. Saying "we're all set" when the waitress offers your table more bread.
  12. Starting a GoFundMe for something like your rent.
  13. Cutting someone off on the highway, then immediately going 10 mph under the speed limit.
  14. Calling anyone "Hun".