HOW TO CAPTAIN YOUR VESSEL DURING THE IMPENDING ROBOT APOCALYPSE
Ahoy there, it's me! I am you from the future. It seems you've found yourself in a bit of a quandary with the robot apocalypse and all. Let me help you out by sharing what I've learned about captaining your vessel.
- •Avoid vagrants at all costs. They will add nothing to your stalwart crew. Years of coddling from our once fabled government has turned them into ne'er do wells leaning for succor on the breast of welfare.
- •Do add crew members who believe firmly in walls. Definite borders are the key to a successful vessel from the size of a dinghy to an entire country! If walls were bad then we would all be bathing out in the open, I mean it's just common sense. I don't want people to see me bathe out in the open!
- •Spend nine tenths of your money on guns. If you have enough guns you don't even have to fight! Your guns will just fight the enemy's guns for you. It's amazing! Just make sure you have good guy guns. Don't you dare buy bad guy guns. Bad guy guns are the only guns that can hurt you.
- •Sandpaper. I know this doesn't make sense now, but a man named Tobias will meet you one day at a fork in the road and all will be made clear.
- •Keep all of your money in large far away banks. You can't take the money with you on your voyage so you need to send it somewhere where it can be with its brethren and make friends. Make sure you keep all of it to yourself because the people that don't have it are just unfriendly! If they were friendly money would want to hang out with them!
- •Make sure your crew looks the same. Uniforms look good for a reason, and that reason is uniformity. Skin is just like your bones uniform, am I right? With that in mind, you want to make sure your crew is organized and wearing the same uniform. It's purely an aesthetics thing.
- •Make sure your flag is right for your ship. It's an aggressive world out here so you want to make sure the flag you fly gives off the strongest message to your enemy that you and your uniformly uniform crew mean business. The key is to find a flag that makes people wearing uniforms you don't like upset. This is the quickest way to dominance.
- •To close I wish you good luck out there. Be sure to take advantage of every privilege you find as you traverse the robot apocalypse, just be sure to deny that it is a privilege, the enemy doesn't need to know. It's scary out there, but not as scary as you captain. Remember, as long as you have sandpaper, everything will be alright.