To My Dad

Who is now watching from one of the best views someone can have of this world... 4 years ago today.
  1. I miss you greatly.
    I miss your hugs, your blue eyes, and your laugh. I miss the way you would yell for me to spell a word for Facebook. I miss your voice and the many ways you reassured me. I miss your speculations of people. I miss the way you always made me feel safe and protected. I miss you everyday, always.
  2. It still hurts.
    I can remember holding your hand and hearing your last breath as if it's a reoccurring dream. I can't call it a nightmare because in so many ways I knew you were finally at peace. But it crushed me. It crushed me in a way I didn't know if I could bounce back. It still hurts, it's still unbearable at times but I'm so much stronger now. I've gotten pretty good at living with your memories.
  3. I hate cancer but I love what it did to you.
    When you told me your chances of beating it were less than 18%, man did that put so much hate into me. I fucking hate cancer, it sucks the life out of a person. A person who fought so incredibly hard. But it changed you dad, it softened you. It took that hate you held onto in this world and it turned your world around. You put your trust and love in God and it was the most beautiful story I'll be able to share with your grandchildren one day.
  4. Thank you.
    You were my hero from the day I was born. I was your soft spot. You taught me so much and in a lot of ways I'm just like you. You showed me that people are capable of change and how to love the underdog. You protected me and I know you still haven't left me . Thank you for leaving me signs but most importantly thank you for being my dad, it was the best 18 years of my life.
  5. I love you.
    2:21:12. You left us to start building our forever spot. I love you dad. I hope you're watching with a smile as I figure out my life. You should be here and at times I really hate how unfair it is that you aren't. But I am so happy that you aren't suffering anymore. I love that out of all the dads in the world God gave me you... You were my greatest gift. I love you more than I could ever put in words.