Inspired by @tombatten
  1. My parents' winery (unofficially; age 14)
    Everyday after school I had to use this weird, giant metal thing to push fermenting grapes down. I was too short, so I had to stand on this ledge to do it. One time my mom said, "Don't fall in because the carbon dioxide will kill you!" I felt very solemn and brave.
  2. Safeway Courtesy Clerk (age 16)
    Our store was undergoing construction, so lots of things were temporarily moved around. An elderly woman asked me where the KY jelly was. As was store policy, I walked her to where it had been moved: the bread aisle. She said, "Haha, hopefully this doesn't mean your bread is too dry!"
  3. Regal Cinemas Concession Stand (age 16-18)
    One time I was ringing up an order for an older man. The total was something like $10.25 and he gave me $20.25. As I opened the drawer for his change, he said, "That means you can give me $10 back." And I don't know how to explain it exactly, but the way he said it was so icky and I was so insulted at the presumption that I couldn't do basic math that I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Oh, yes, I know" in a spooky, quiet voice. He quickly apologized. I still think about this sometimes.
  4. Regal Cinemas Assistant Manager (age 18-21)
    A couple of teenage girls cut in line for a movie, but no one really witnessed it (or cared) except this one middle-aged guy, who was there with his two teenage girls and his wife. He got *very* upset with me when I didn't kick the girls out of the theatre. He was yelling and getting red and jabbing his finger at me. His tantrum eventually culminated in this line: "I am an EXECUTIVE at JO-ANN FABRICS and IF YOU WORKED FOR ME I WOULD FIRE YOU." His wife made him leave. (Shout out @joannfabrics)
  5. Resident Assistant, Univ. of Oregon (age 19-22).
    My resident across the hall put on Uggs, twirled around in the hallway, and yelled, "I'm Sasha Cohen, bitches!!" and I peed my pants a little bit from laughing so hard. Not the best story, but still something that makes me laugh when I remember it.
  6. High school Spanish teacher, Oakland, California (age 22-25)
    A student asked me how to say "eat the box" in Spanish and I didn't know it what it meant and also was the MOST naive person ever, so I taught him how to say it. Except a literal translation, obviously. That was my first week of teaching.
  7. High School Residential Faculty (age 25-28)
    We took the students skiing at Lake Tahoe. When we first got there, a student started crying. She'd never seen the snow before. Later she said it was just so overwhelming to know how much is out there that we won't ever see.