I like my coffee like I like my men

  1. Not too fancy, not too schloppy
    No lattes and it'll be a hard pass on that black goo at Joe's Diner.
  2. No ill fitting clothing - aka bye Jnco and skinny jeans
    No to those skinny tall mugs and defo no to the Friends wide mouth giant Alice in Wonderland cups with an entire pot of cold coffee in it.
  3. No fancy names.
    I'm Carrie...and you are? Venti lacto micro organic frappe? Not on our wedding announcements you're not. You're Brian.
  4. And for sure not handed to me by some sullen, morose, hot barista waiting for her 2nd Playboy callback.
    Yeah ok I've totally taken a cast off from a hotter gal.