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It was hard to narrow down the list to only 5 but I think I nailed it.
  1. Michael Jordan
    Look I obviously have to include MJ in this, he's the glue that holds the movie together. Plus remember that crazy stretchy arm thing he does at the end? That won them the game!
  2. Stan Podolak
    Possibly the greatest assistant of all time, Stan knew how to lend a hand in anyway possible. From falling into the dugout to digging a giant hole on a golf course, Stan was the man.I am honestly surprised the guy who played Newman didn't get a Supporting Actor nomination from the Academy.
  3. Bill Murray
    Look, I still have no idea how they got Bill Murray for this movie, but they did and I'm very happy about it. I'm pretty sure Bill has around ten lines in the whole movie and they are all amazing, especially the last one.... "LET'S GO BULLS"
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When I go out with my friends I don't drink, I never have, I've just never felt like it. But I still go out with my friends and these are the slight downsides to the sober lifestyle.
  1. Having To Give A Reason
    All of my friends know I don't drink so I don't usually have to explain myself but every now and then someone will ask me why I don't drink. Usually I'll have my go to answers like "I just don't feel like it" or "I just never have" but sometimes I'll use funnier answers because it's really none of their business, answers like "I can't, I'm pregnant". This is a personal favourite because even though I am male it still takes most people a couple seconds to realize I am joking.
  2. Soda From The Bar
    Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I'm not thirsty, and nothing quenches your thirst like soda from that weird spray gun from the bar. Do you like your Pepsi mostly carbonated but somehow still watered down? Then has the bartender got a drink for you!
  3. Being The Drunk Herder
    Going out with drunk friends can sometimes be like taking a kindergarten class on a field trip "Okay everybody put on your shoes" "No not that way, this way guys", "No don't eat that buddy, that's dirt". I swear if someone invented leashes for drunk people they would make a fortune.
  4. You Have No Excuse For Being An Idiot
    When people are drunk and do something stupid they have the perfect excuse, "Oh sorry, I was drunk, that's not how I usually am". The only excuse I have is "Oh sorry, I'm an idiot and this is how I am normally."
  1. The Power Nap
    Usually 15-30 minutes, just a quick rest to get you recharged.
  2. The Hibernation
    Usually an hour to 2 hours, for when you really need some rest.
  3. The Accidental Nap
    Look, it's happened to the best of us, you lay down on your bed for a minute or you recline in that really comfortable chair then BAM, you wake up an hour later. Don't worry though, it's not your fault, it's that damn chair for being so comfortable.
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Warning- these lines have not been field tested, use at your own discretion
  1. "I once came second in a Saved By The Bell "Screech" look alike contest."
  2. "One time I fit eight jelly beans in my nose."
    This one is a conversation starter, was this in just one or both nostrils? Did they all come out?
  3. "Hey girl, are you a bull fighter because you are matador-able"
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  1. When Arthur cut his leg on a Lima bean can
    He was definitely going to die, that's all I thought, peace out Arthur, you dead, or they are at least taking your leg, because you are not walking away from this injury. As a child I was afraid of cans for at least a month after I watched this episode.
  2. When Arthur fell asleep on the bus
    Like cans, it had to be at least a month before I was comfortable on buses after watching this episode. Arthur was just trying to get to his swimming lesson and he ends up in the sketchy part of town in some diner. Thank god for Arthur's grandma because she definitely saved the day.
  3. When Arthur punched D.W.
    Look, we've all wanted to punch D.W, but we didn't, also because we couldn't. But Arthur... Arthur didn't give a shit. Watching that episode I felt like a boxing manager watching ringside, in my mind I was yelling "STAY DOWN D.W! STAY DOWN!!" If only D.W was carrying Arthur's secret weakness, a lima bean can.
  1. Real Life Testimonies
    So some guy from Montana thinks your toilet paper is the best he's ever tried, why does that mean I should buy it? People are stupid some times and I barely listen to my own friends recommendations, why would I listen to some stranger?
  2. "New And Improved"
    Look, I get that we are in the golden age of technology but how much can we improve everyday objects? Your toothbrush has cross action bristles, so how many cavities is that going to save me in the long run. I swear more innovation has gone into diapers in the last 20 years then space travel.
  3. Kids and Spills
    Parents in commercials, WHY IS IT OKAY THAT YOUR KID JUST SPILLED A HUGE GLASS OF FRUIT PUNCH?!?! Yeah, it's great that your paper towel can clean up any mess but why not try and teach your kid not to make a mess instead of just stupidly grinning at your messy hell spawn? Also that is way too much fruit punch for a tiny child.
  4. Overly Sentimental Commercials
    Sometimes evoking strong emotions in a commercial works, just ask Sarah McLachlan, but for peanut butter? Come on. No one has ever evoked strong emotions from peanut butter, unless you're allergic. I don't need some sad piano and touchingly heartfelt lyrics to tell me to buy peanut butter, it's peanut butter and I'm not allergic, I'm gonna buy some at some point.