Cynical- swirling in your head

Fair warning that I'm a cranky foul mouthed romantic asshat with too much time on his hands and pain in his heart. My over dramatic heart.
  1. I'm feeling cynical
  2. And downright pissed off
  3. And sad too
  4. But I only ever list about those things.
  5. List is a lovely way to reach people
  6. I just want you all who read this to know how absolutely wonderful you are.
  7. Do you ever have one of those days where nothing particularly bad happens but you slowly fade from doing just dandy to feeling like the world is coming down around your head and shoulders and the pieces are stuck in your side like burrs off an angry needle bush? Well that's kinda my day
  8. I had a good day
  9. Until now.
  10. It's funny how a day can be good until it's not. You know? You're moseying along and saying to yourself in your head "well shit this ain't so bad. Im looking forward to things and my present situation isn't entirely all that poor. Quite to the contrary in fact, id say it's nice headed towards spectacularly jubilant."
  11. But then something in your head starts swirling which distracts you from the sunshine in your irises which would normally blind you if it weren't so damn gray all of a sudden. Bereft of the orangey, purple hues that sunlight in its infinite majesty prefers to emit. Normally. But you don't feel so normal. You feel angry. Downright pissed off.
  12. Actually the anger comes after. After you remember that a minute decade ago you felt nice moving towards jovial but now it's just shit. And you're a bastardized cynic all of a damn sudden. Starring in this particularly uninteresting and frankly over done drama would be your magical self, false charisma, anger, and your good friend horny.
    Ah horny. How you make bitter these lonely god forsaken nights. Let me at least rest knowing that I'll one day lay lips on another set of lips hopefully as warm and welcoming as my fantasies allude to. And also may my own feet find themselves partner feet to cuddle and entertwine themselves with on occasion among the rolling waves of my bed. Which could remain cool if this goes on any longer. Fuck you horny and your incessant knocking. In fact. Go fuck your self. You'd love that wouldn't you.
  13. Ah. In the throes of my woes I might wind up finding a way out of this chaos. I take pride in the knowledge that with every passing minute of my unabridged torture I come ever closer to fully understanding some small new vague ephemeral aspect of this hell we all keep insisting to dubb living. Living is the bane of my existence.
    Bane is the existence to my life. Some of the time. Fuck him too.
  14. It's wonderfully elating to know full well that given enough time and some lovely dreams I will fall back into the mists of my happiness. They appear like a tender rolling fog on the horizon of my misery and I look to them as one traveler would to another cloud stating, " that'll be here soon. Better enjoy getting wet while I'm dry."
    Bet you were expecting something fantastical from such a traveler. No. Because real traveling is quite dull when not among more interesting people. Of which one normally takes to traveling to find. Out of necessity you see. Boredom is the enemy to progress as Kerouac said. Fuck Kerouac. Boredom is the catalyst to progress. It sure as hell doesn't stifle me. Not all the time.
  15. I'm always upset over the same things. Isn't everyone? Aren't we all constantly bouncing back and forth between wanting and having but wanting to have and having but wanting something else and not necessarily in that order but also doubting ourselves and our choices so immensely and powerfully.
  16. Some nights I want to just say fuck it. Every awful dirty despicable thing I can thing if pops into my mind and I know if I did them I'd feel good for about two seconds before I realized that it's just the animal in me trying to fuck up my nice neat order. Also I think he's the romantic in disguise. The one that just needs and needs and needs
  17. The romantic in me yearns. That's his job. Until I give him someone to love then he's something else. But for now he yearns. And I'm not sure how to roll with that because yearning all your life is certainly no way to live but isn't it also inexplicably the only way we live? People are always wanting. Not consumerism. No. I mean that people
    Will never be satisfied. The day we find ourselves satisfied is the day we realize life just ain't worth living unless you're in the middle of wanting something.
  18. In a lot of ways that's all total bullshit. As is anything that's true. And anything that's true and is in some ways bullshit is a very very important thing indeed. And should be studied until one remembers they're wasting away good hours that could be used for something else more entertaining like having sex or eating good food.
  19. The point is that I'm tired and this list is too long and feelings are weird and don't worry too much because everything always turns out okay if you just wait around long enough to find out. If you're really patient it will even get awesome again.