Getting McDonald's when you absolutely are not interested in ingesting pink slime

  1. 1.
    First of all you should have thought about lunch arrangements before getting into the only vehicle driven by a world renowned fast food glutton. James was never one for exercise and his diet isn't the first clue.
  2. 2.
    James asks what everyone wants for lunch. You think back to your youth. Reminiscing on days past when, as teenagers often do, you and your brother ordered every item on the McDonald's menu in an attempt to achieve sone sense of triumph in consuming it all.
  3. 3.
    The heaving mass of carbs ala grease ala pink sludge ala lettuce bits moaned as such masses often do. With the sole burden of ingest resting on two young boys and their cocky stomachs. Little did they know what awaited for them in fast food hell.
  4. 4.
    It was a dark time. It was the worst of times. Such things cannot be spoken of with mere words but suffice it to say that since that infamous weekend puking feat. You nor your brother had ever drawn within 50 feet of a local or national fast food chain without reassurance as to its quality.
  5. 5.
    Oh but you knew deep in your heart that the day would come! That the demons in your closet would come back to drag you back! Back to that hell of soggy buns and undercooked fries!!!
  6. 6.
    That day has come!!!!
  7. 7.
    As time winds back up to full speed. A resounding cry flies forth from your car-mates.
  8. 8.
    "McDonald's!"
    Kevin wants to try a new burger joint on fifth but of course nobody catches this. Poor Kevin. So soft spoken. And he is always so eloquent about the burgers. Damn. Such social injustice against our local introvert.
  9. 9.
    You leave Kevin to his own existential drama and withdraw to your inner sanctum.
  10. 10.
    Preparation must be swift and powerful.
  11. 11.
    Every disgusting smell! Every friend with day old nachos on his breath and unwashed clothes (at least three days old) offering an hour long ride from the dorms to the Marriott in Tecumseh!! Every over perfumed aunt Kathy with her infernal seven cheese double dish lasagna ala asparagus and green pepper mill additives!!!!
  12. 12.
    Every single disturbing sighting of an older couple locking lips!! But not in the cute way. More like in the "we haven't sucked face for 47 years but find the need to experiment in front of youth so as to ascertain whether or not we are still an item anymore or if the iron hands of crippling senility have rendered us incapable of PDA."
  13. 13.
    You find yourself pulling into the real world as James pulls into the drive through.
  14. 14.
    The orders of your cohorts go unnoticed by you in your stupor but soon enough you find it is your turn.
  15. 15.
    The music swells! Your head spins! Tunnel vision ensues and the swirling spiral of order numbers clashes with the descriptions of each menu item.
  16. 16.
    You order a Big Mac.
  17. 17.
    ....
  18. 18.
    Stress induced Amnesia prevents you from recalling any real reaction but you are certain it was a bad one.
  19. 19.
    You find yourself at home in bed absolutely naked head to toe
  20. 20.
    Yesterday's clothes are gone
  21. 21.
    Your bathroom is best described as a mix between the inside of a circus clowns red nose after a full week on the job / the surface of a busy portajohn in Vegas during summer months / and Lou ferrigno's toupee just off from casting itself in a mini drama about the evils of modern meat manufacturing facilities.
  22. 22.
    But you lived
  23. 23.