Getting your cavities removed when you are kinda sorta into the dental assistant

  1. 1.
    Spend the first part of your morning appreciating the calm which so easily expresses itself in the final hours prior to your expensive oral torture.
    Why do we pay these people to hurt us? I mean.. Sure... I could be into it in some cases but come on. Not the mouth.
  2. 2.
    Approach the entrance of hell with caution. Lick your lips while you still can. Appreciate the lack of pain and numbness.
    Sob heavily in the drive through to McDonald's and during your pre lunch lunch.
  3. 3.
    March in with your head held.. Low. Staring into the abysmal blank screen that is your smartphone while you wait in line behind every other to-be victim.
    All of whom are mimicking your bent neck posture.
  4. 4.
    The smile on her face says "welcome". But her eyes say "...to the home of eternal suffering". She also says I should take a seat and that they'll call my name when they're ready for me.
    I comply. My will to resist is non existent past those glass double doors.
  5. 5.
    Ignore the whine of drilling, zap of electricity, and piercing screams emanating from the door at the end of the waiting room.
    Go to your happy place.... Ahhh.... Aunt Katy's rhubarb tea and peppermint muffins. Ohhh but you aren't real are you.
  6. 6.
    Peruse some of the art work on the wall. Meant to pass as bright and warm but in actuality wholeheartedly bone chilling rendering even the most masterful warrior docile in a matter of minutes. It's mostly the cold dead vacancy amidst the eyes. Some of them lack faces.
    Oh pits of eternal damnation how you warm the soul.
  7. 7.
    Finally. Your name is called. Naturally you throw a massive tantrum right there at the lobby, making a mad dash for the exist more dramatic than necessary. Three burly dental hygienists appear from a side door to bear hug you and drag you back into the duldrums from whence they came.
    This time It only takes you 2 minutes to realize you are stress day dreaming and the nurse is calling your name repeatedly.
  8. 8.
    If you haven't yet. Give your own eulogy to the awaiting crowd. They will appreciate your sentiments towards sunny Saturday morning pancakes caked with sugar, holiday chocolates stuffed with peanut butter, and your absolute hatred of all things orally hygienic.
    Look them all in the eye. Let them know how proud you are of them all for sending you off today.
  9. 9.
    As you are led to the torture chamber. Find yourself taken aback at the dental assistant. Who's fine blond locks fall gently to her shoulders and who's eyes pierce you much like the Novocain needle in her delicate hands pierces your inner gum line.
    It tickles your inner ear and you feel as though someone is stabbing your jaw. Ah but those eyes.
  10. 10.
    Although you feel as if you should be strapped down with leather bindings at the wrists and ankles. Your dentist assures you that this won't be necessary and that the procedure should only take a few minutes. You don't believe the man for a second.
    Never trust anyone who smiles so often.
  11. 11.
    You come to find that you don't mind having such sharp objects in your mouth when you think about how they are accompanied by the cute assistant's fingers.
  12. 12.
    The double shot of Novocain plus laughing gas has you very well sedated. Her eyes seem more striking and you find your attention bouncing back and forth from the darkness under your lids to her iridescent face. Wavering above you as she hands a variety of instruments to your torturer.
    Disney channel is on above you.
  13. 13.
    They finish up. You find yourself wondering how attractive you must look with saliva pooling in your open mouth and a rubber tarp strapped down to prevent filler from falling down your throat.
  14. 14.
    They release you into the waiting room. Your joy at having survived this harrowing ordeal is however quickly overtaken by your frustration at being unable to smile or speak properly while saying good bye to the cute assistant.
  15. 15.
    She schedules you for a follow up appointment.
  16. 16.
    You'll see her again in 2 weeks.
  17. 17.
    Maybe you'll be able to utter a little more than "I've just been working a lot this summer"
    Although having a mouth full of plastic and metal certainly didn't aid conversation.
  18. 18.
    Until next time evil dentist.
  19. 19.