Homecoming High

And the admission of my complicated romantic life.
  1. 1.
    I went to my first and only homecoming dance this past Saturday night.
  2. 2.
    I figured that since it is my senior year and I've never bothered to go that I should go.
  3. 3.
    Alas I had no clue what to do to even go.
    Since I've never been to one.
  4. 4.
    Fortunately a girl I fancied told me her boyfriend wasn't going with her (for an assortment of reasons all culminating in that he's a lazy asshole and she still respects him but also wants to rub it in his face. Enough said.)
  5. 5.
    Here's the conversation in full:
  6. 6.
  7. 7.
  8. 8.
  9. 9.
  10. 10.
  11. 11.
  12. 12.
    Ahh... I can hear my consistent followers already......
  13. 13.
    "But I thought you guys were a....!!! ....what's this about a boyfriend???...... Who the what now???.....
  14. 14.
    I know... Forgive me for living in a fantasy world through list app. It's a brief reprieve from my more confusing and frankly disappointing reality at most times.
    Your comments meant very much to me.
  15. 15.
    Any hoo
  16. 16.
    I made a list about getting coffee with her and putting a ton of stuff in her locker.
  17. 17.
    For the sake of honesty i should admit that I've been attempting to woo this girl for the better part of 7 months now.
    She's has a boyfriend for all of them....
  18. 18.
    Oh and he hates me haha.... For good reason.... But ah!!! Before you go calling me out!! He's a rat bastard who flirts with other women and accepts phone numbers from them under the guise that "they just want to be friends". The son of a bitch knows better and went a long with it anyway.
    Or maybe I was just jealous.
  19. 19.
    So I get everything ready for the dance. I'm all set on Saturday.
  20. 20.
    Had the most beautiful time with someone I've listed about and who I hadn't met face to face with for over a year. It was invigorating. I wish I could live in the memory.
  21. 21.
    I picked up Lizzie at 6:20. We took just about the worst photos ever in front of her parents house. I am reluctant to show them here because for one they are awful and for two I look ridiculous and am not about to wreck havoc on my list app persona any more than this list already is.
    I can't stand posing for photos. My nose gets wiggly. I wore a black outfit with a red tie and pocket square. She had on a lovely blue dress and a giant blue rose in her hair. But just so you know how god damned perfect we look together. Here...
  22. 22.
    We had dinner at Olive Garden. It was delicious and I had a lot of fun talking to her and just being on a date.
    I wanted to order Apple crostata over vanilla ice cream for dessert but relented when she requested we share the pumpkin cheesecake. It was to die for. Also I found it adorable she kept asking for sips of my drink (mango smoothie.) And bites of my food. Of which I was happy to send her way. The back and forth flirting was fun too.
  23. 23.
    So we got to the dance. It was loud. Heavy house music. Very shitty remixes of good songs. Rave level amounts of lights. Many wild females and many more two stepping fellows.
  24. 24.
    My corsage kept falling over and hers was lovely on her wrist. I tried to dance but just couldn't handle the repetitive over the top house music as well as my dates laughter at my sweet moves.
  25. 25.
    She attempted to teach me but her only words of encouragement were "dance as if you were trying to seduce someone." A. I don't seduce with my dance. I dance to dance. B. What does that even mean? C. She could dance seductively..... Fairly well 😳.
  26. 26.
    We both ended up being exhausted after about two hours. At a table in the balcony of our gymnasium Lizzie brought up the fact that her boyfriend had asked her if she was planning on kissing me tonight. To which her reply was, "I don't know..." She kept speaking after that but didn't really say anything.
  27. 27.
    So I spent the rest of the evening asking her questions about whether or not she was interested in me. Trying to be as vague and considerate as possible to avoid ruining a perfectly good evening. At the end of the night I dropped her off, hugged her goodnight, went home, got in bed, and sent her one last question.
  28. 28.
    Which she answered in the morning around 11:20.
  29. 29.
    My question being, "if in a totally hypothetical scenario it didn't cause any drama, would you be interested in me?"
  30. 30.
    Her response, "I don't know, because...."
  31. 31.
    She kept taking but she didn't say much after that.
  32. 32.
    "I don't know."
  33. 33.
    There's our answer. She's unsure what she wants in her life. Bout time I realize that's as good as an answer as I'm gonna get right now.
  34. 34.
    So I'm going to focus on others. Other things, other people, others.
  35. 35.
    I let my loneliness get the better of me. And I shot for the closest connection I could find. Maybe we could work in the future. But for the time being she's got some things to figure out. And I've got a life to live outside of chasing her heart.
    I'm making this all out to be extremely dramatic but trust me in that I really only have a passing crush for this girl. She's certainly not my muse...and I've never felt inclined to write poetry for her or draw her the way I have others. Still.. It made me aware of how wretched it is not to feel mutually wanted by somebody else. That is a bitter feeling.
  36. 36.
    I still absolutely love this photo though....
    (Also just realized it would have been perfect if "jesses girl" had played at the dance 😂.)
  37. 37.
    And I did have a fun time.
  38. 38.
    But a story about how "it was a fun night" is pretty lame.
  39. 39.
    And neglects a lot of major details.
  40. 40.
    "Her's is a beauty that will never fade from the earth but that which will bloom on the morning starlight and dazzle in the warmth of an after noon ray."
  41. 41.
    "Revolving gently through and between my fingers when I reach for her hand. Soft as the sound of her voice on my neck."
  42. 42.
    "The breath on her lips fades to mine as the fog of October mornings sends off the shadows in the night."
  43. 43.
    "My dreams alight with her as a fire burns hot under the gentile of a midnight aura. Flickering mesmerizingly in my eye is the river of her hair."
  44. 44.
    "Blown about her face in such a way which brings tears to my dry eyes and a turn to her lips and that wrinkle at the corners. Oh such wonder in the swift whisper of an eyelash. The exhalation of all earthly worries. The consumption of peace settled in a soul so slight and heavenly as hers."
  45. 45.
    "Not so much in the darkness but of the lightest light is her brandished awe known fully. Expanded into me rushing across my eye and driving my demons away."
  46. 46.
    "I can hear her on the autumn wind. I can see her in my dreams. She steps towards me out of the darkness of my future and into the half light of my foresight."