One Childhood Memory I Would Go Back and Relive

Thanks @BWN_7
  1. I suppose I would go back and relive my last conversation with my grandmother.
  2. For those of you that don't know (most of you I think) my grandmother died last September of a combination of leukemia and pneumonia at the age of 85.
  3. I would like one caveat though. In that I would be able to speak freely with all the knowledge I have now.
  4. I don't know what I'd say.
  5. Nothing too shocking.
  6. Though I almost feel like she was the type of person who would believe me if I explained that I was time traveling back to speak with her.
  7. I think she would just know.
  8. And a part of me wants to talk to her about some different things that have gone on in my life since she passed.
  9. Like how to deal with troubled friends. How to deal with mortality (not for me. For a close friend of mine) and just other things that she could help me think about.
  10. I also would discuss what it was like without her.
  11. You see most of my family was visibly distressed by the news of her death.
  12. She was a major part of our lives and it only made sense for them to be floored. Even though we all knew it was coming.
  13. Me. I had to explain to my mother and sister that she was gone.
  14. I still find it funny that I found out over Facebook.
  15. My cousin posted one of those weird good bye Facebook posts that my grandmother can't read even though it's addressed to her.
  16. You know the kind. All that sappy stuff about dancing through the gates of heaven as she danced through life.
  17. Anyway. I told me mom and sister.
  18. They sat out on the back porch and contemplated the impact.
  19. I went on a walk.
  20. It never upset me that she died.
  21. Not that I didn't miss her. I miss her a lot.
  22. But between me and my grandmother death was just something that happened. You can't avoid it and so why should we waste any time worrying about it.
  23. We fight to stay and then accept what comes to us.
  24. So I felt content in that my grandmother and I had that understanding.
  25. That I shouldn't stain my wrists with tears for her. Because she wouldn't want me to feel bad that it had hapoened.
  26. Because she lived a full life.
  27. Some people think that I'm cruel or damaged for not feeling distraught. I suppose I understand where they're coming from.
  28. Death scares them. Terrifying as it is to leave life behind. I simply choose not to waste time being scared.
  29. Anyway. I'd like to talk to her about all this one more time. To let her know that she went peacefully. With her children around her.
  30. How she taught me just how patient someone could be. That it didn't really matter what opinion my children and grandchildren might have but that it was crucial I take the time to really listen fully. And the impact that has had on me.
  31. And most importantly....
  32. Just how much I love her.
  33. Miss you grammie 💜.