Something I read
  1. “A few years ago an astronaut who’d been jilted in a romantic space triangle reportedly donned an adult diaper and drove hundreds of miles across the country, armed with pepper spray, a knife, and a BB pistol, to confront her rival.
  2. The news media got a week’s worth of fun out of that story; the national consensus amounted to those middle school sneers, “What ever” and “O-kaaaayyyy. . . .” Everyone was eager to laugh at that unhappy woman to reassure themselves that she was crazy, her behavior incomprehensible. But I knew exactly how she felt.
  3. I had a perhaps unhealthy empathy for that astronaut because, as it happened, around the “same time she undertook her own mission, I’d nearly driven twenty hours for similar reasons. Not to abduct anyone, of course, ha ha, no, certainly not—just to make a desperate last-ditch appeal.
  4. At such moments it never occurs to you to question your loyalty to the Acme brand, much less ask yourself whether it’s really worth all this trouble and personal injury to try to catch one scrawny roadrunner; your only hesitation is in choosing between the rocket skates or the earthquake pills
  5. I could understand that donning the diaper was not insane but exactly the sort of thoroughness and resourcefulness that NASA inculcates in its astronaut corps. When love is at stake, you do not waste time on rest stops.
  6. There’s a fine line between the bold romantic gesture and stalking. The tricky crux of the matter is that it depends to a great extent on how that gesture is going to be received—which factor, unfortunately, the impetuous suitor/obsessed stalker has lost all ability to gauge.
  7. A friend of mine reports that all the women he’s polled have been enthusiastic advocates of the bold romantic gesture, but this, he suspects, is because they’re all automatically picturing John Cusack making it, not Steve Buscemi or Peter Lorre or the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
  8. Often you don’t know whether you’re the hero of a romantic comedy or the villain on a Lifetime special until the restraining order arrives.
  9. That astronaut’s official NASA photo and her police mug shot make for instructive before-and-after illustrations of the effects of love, as grimly cautionary as ad campaigns about the ravages of crystal meth. I was moved to unpleasant recognition by that photo of her face—gaunt and disheveled, deranged, exhausted, utterly broken and lost.
  10. I had seen that face before, in the mirror. And so, I bet, have most of us. We’ve just been lucky enough not to have it photographed for the public record. But we shouldn’t let ourselves forget it, or the weeks or months we spent curled up weeping on the couch, smashing glassware, kicking through drywall, sending ill-advised emails
  11. and having wrenching late-night phone conversations, watching whole seasons of TV series at one sitting, listening to the one song we could still bear to hear over and over again, planning impulsive romantic proposals or scheming terrible revenge. We’ve all worn the diaper.”
  12. “The truth is, people are ravenous for sex, sociopaths for love. I sometimes like to daydream that if we were all somehow simultaneously outed as lechers and perverts and sentimental slobs, it might be, after the initial shock of disillusionment, liberating.
    It might be a relief to quit maintaining this rigid pose of normalcy and own up to the outlaws and monsters we are.”
  13. Excerpt From: “We Learn Nothing.” Kreider, Tim.
  14. Static