An ongoing list
  1. I woke up around 7:30. Fooled around. There's a pizza box next to me. I'm horny as hell. I wish I had more cinnamon sticks. I think I might get some coffee and make eggs. I need to pee and shower. The bed feels really comfortable. It's 8:15. I want to make out with someone.
  2. I keep listening to the same song on repeat. I still haven't gotten out of bed.
  3. Still in bed. I keep looking at shit on my phone. I guess I'll get up now.
  4. I got up and showered. Dressed. Re-heated pizza and cinnamon sticks. Made coffee. I'm watching YouTube videos and being an ass on the Internet.
  5. It's 11 now. I'm sipping my lukewarm coffee and thinking about a lot. I want to read but o also want to write. I'm half sitting on my bed.
  6. It's 11:45. I'm watching crazy stupid love. I fucking love it. I need to dress like Ryan gosling. Beautiful bastard
  7. 12:11. Such a fucking good movie damn. I love Steve Carrell. Makes me wanna watch little miss sunshine
  8. 12:29. I think I love this movie. Ryan gosling and Emma stone are lovely.
    I also want to go on REALLY long runs every day and do more sit ups and pull ups. On top of my weight lifting
  9. 1:16. Still watching it. I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday. I feel pretty good about it. We hated each other. But it was fun for a while. I needed it after Sam. Uh oh. Hope she doesn't threaten me. Whatever. I'm horribly sorry for what I did but what a bitch move. Anyway I'm dipping pizza in icing.
  10. 3:00. Finished the movie. Spoke with my mother about updating my wardrobe and running ultra marathons. Mowed the lawn. Now I'm laying on my bed doing stuff on my phone. Kind feel like napping. I don't know.
  11. 5:23. I didn't take a nap. I've watched a lot of videos on YouTube. I made macaroni and cheese. It's okay. I kind of want to make my own recipe and call it "sexy time Mac and cheese". Anything I make from now on is "sexy time-X"
  12. 6:23. Same thing. Finished my macaroni. I'm bored. Kind of want to watch crazy stupid love again. I also want to go shopping for a new watch and clothes. But my birthday is coming up so I should safe my money and make a birthday preference list.
  13. 7:24. I'm feeling sad. I started watching crazy stupid love again. I'm sitting next to my sister watching some of her mind numbing shows. I think I should go on a run but I feel like sleeping. I'm not tired I just want to dream something nice. I yearn for affection and a sympathetic voice. Not just anyone's.
  14. 7:27. My ex texts me "I can't believe we're broken up. I'm really single."
    I'm going for a long run.
  15. 7:34. I'm on a walk instead. I just don't feel like running right now. If I felt like spending money I'd go get myself dinner. Im just really fucking bored. And self conscious.
  16. 9:36. I went for a quick walk. Which helped me feel more angry than self conscious and sad. I sat on the front porch for a while. Now I'm in bed and I'm horny again.
  17. It's now 12:19. A new day technically but this is where i find myself. I've laid in bed feeling low these past few hours. I had some cereal but the rest is soaking away the last of the milk on my bedside table. I'm not sad about L. I'm sad because I am reminded of my position in life at the moment. I miss S to the point of a personal cliche.
    I read a great many pages of a lovely book. I think I'll share some of its advice in a new list. It's so dark. The tv is on. I'm a little too warm. I wish it was fall already. How is it almost fall already? Where am I? This is not the place to be trembling in my words but it will do. I'm terrified that what I know will heal me won't heal me. I'm so bitter of so much. Somebody told me they think I am smart enough to pursue a major or a PHD in something intellectual. Interesting.