Up late

  1. There's something really beautiful about being alone at night.
  2. At least for me, night brings me closer to softer thoughts.
  3. All those noisy, distracting, bossy thoughts take center stage in the day time.
    These also happen to be the most stressful if I let them manifest.
  4. But at night I find myself relinquishing control to my self.
  5. It feels so much easier to see beautiful things.
  6. In general I just feel more at ease at night.
  7. It's like a breath of fresh air or a drink of something warm or the way that one person hugs you at just the right time.
  8. It's the perfect song for that special moment.
  9. The best line in that favorite book.
  10. It takes away my normally snappy cynical dialogue.
  11. And replaces it with my soft molten core.
  12. I can feel my normal self scratching at the door but he's a dick so I'm ignoring him.
  13. These late night lists can get kinda weird and disorienting but that's just because I don't edit them.
  14. And I basically free flow into the phone
  15. Not my best work
  16. But it's honest
  17. And that's what matters after all.
  18. I feel so much closer to the things I cherish at night
  19. Most of them are people
  20. Unfortunately people change
  21. So most of those people are just memories now
  22. They aren't exempt from my life
  23. They just aren't the same people I fell in love with
  24. And I've come to understand that that's just a part of my growth.
  25. "Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away, you write, and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast. And if what is near you is far away, then your vastness is already among the stars and is very great;
  26. be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend.
  27. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust."
  28. A tad cliche.
  29. A tad melodramatic
  30. A tad melancholic.
  31. But fuck it. That's what life is all about.
  32. That and marshmallow cookies and twinkies.
  33. “I love Twinkies, and the reason I am saying that is because we are all supposed to think of reasons to live” - perks of being a wallflower.