A CHRISTMAS BREAK-IN

A story told in list
  1. Last night, at about 2am, my dad woke up because our decrepit white pitbull Scout was barking
    She's 10 years old and her toenails fall off. She has a good attitude about it
  2. My dad looks up, sees a "Caucasian male" in a "dark hoodie and shorts" in the doorway
    We have way too many exterior doors in our house but I think that's a Texas thing.
  3. My dad has about 5 knives buried between his mattress and box spring but did he grab one? No.
    My dad taught martial arts for like 10 years so he is trained in knife combat. He was always a hit at middle school parties
  4. Instead, my dad shouts at ol' Scouty "GET HIM!" But she just looks at him confused
    Of our three dogs, Scout is the least likely to chase after anything unless it's a tennis ball. But like that's it.
  5. So my dad decides to head off the teenaged intruder by running in the opposite direction.
    What he would do if he caught the kid I don't know
  6. We all woke up, except for my brother, and discussed the annoyance at length before returning to bed.
    I had been watching Carousel and our youngest pit Smokey was freaking out but I hushed him because I had just fallen asleep. I'm no good in an emergency it turns out.
  7. This morning, my dad put his many hours of NCIS to good use, searching the bushes for scraps of clothing or maybe a dropped wallet
    No dice.
  8. My mom posted on our neighborhood message board* and all day people have been throwing out that they have guns and they're not afraid to use them**
    *it's its own app, super legit, **my parents live in Texas so that's a thing
  9. We're not concerned, and we are locking all of our doors so like don't worry. Generally it was just kind of funny
    Our oldest dog Pearl and our cat Boo are also not concerned.
  10. The end.