Help 'Friend' Steal Alcohol-Booze

  1. What a rush!
  2. Because you're a small porcelain gremlin, you piggy back into the store, stuff a couple bottles between your stomach and 'friend's back, and trot out.
  3. Of course you'll have to whip yourself for a full hour in the Guilt Closet in your home, but that's tomorrow. TONIGHT is your oyster, baby!
  4. You arrive at the party. It's all sweat, Axe body spray, jean skirts, and mating pheromones. THE DREAM.
  5. One person even correctly identifies you as a living human. Score!
  6. Look! In the corner of the room is a cute girl struggling to open a beer.
  7. It *is* 2006 and you *are* 16, so chivalry isn't problematic yet. Should you help her?
  8. A) Umm, is "Garden State" a great recent movie that you felt spoke directly to you? OF COURSE. Help her!
  9. B) I don't know...It's scary to put yourself out there...Instead, go find a book shelf and pretend to be enthralled in a smart book until she finds you and asks what you're reading. "Oh, sorry. Just contemplating my own mortality" you'll respond.