Help 'Friend' Steal Alcohol-Booze
- •What a rush!
- •Because you're a small porcelain gremlin, you piggy back into the store, stuff a couple bottles between your stomach and 'friend's back, and trot out.
- •Of course you'll have to whip yourself for a full hour in the Guilt Closet in your home, but that's tomorrow. TONIGHT is your oyster, baby!
- •You arrive at the party. It's all sweat, Axe body spray, jean skirts, and mating pheromones. THE DREAM.
- •One person even correctly identifies you as a living human. Score!
- •Look! In the corner of the room is a cute girl struggling to open a beer.
- •It *is* 2006 and you *are* 16, so chivalry isn't problematic yet. Should you help her?
- •A) Umm, is "Garden State" a great recent movie that you felt spoke directly to you? OF COURSE. Help her!
- •B) I don't know...It's scary to put yourself out there...Instead, go find a book shelf and pretend to be enthralled in a smart book until she finds you and asks what you're reading. "Oh, sorry. Just contemplating my own mortality" you'll respond.