10 DISCLAIMERS THAT SHOULD EXIST ⚠️

  1. 1.
    On Netflix
    Not responsible for all the months you pay us to keep your account open but don't actually watch anything. Availability of movie and television content may vary including but not limited to no availability of great and interesting movie and television content and high availability of Gomer Pyle, USMC.
  2. 2.
    On any vending machine
    Not responsible for "dangling snacks" that get stuck in the coil system and do not vend. Not responsible for your death by crushing should you choose to shake or rock this machine and it topples over on you and inhibits your ability to breathe.
  3. 3.
    On an iPhone 7
    Not responsible for buyer's remorse and/or that deflated, let-down-y feeling you have when you unbox your new iPhone and realize that force-touch isn't all that and the iPhone you spent $989+tax on seven months ago isn't that much different than this new one.
  4. 4.
    On any porn site
    Not responsible for delusions you may have that your IRL sex will be anything like the sex you see on our site. Also not responsible if your partner is not interested in taking part in "money shots" or riding in "bang buses."
  5. 5.
    On election ballots
    Not responsible for compelling any candidate you vote for to make good on their campaign promises.
  6. 6.
    On toilet paper
    Not responsible for when your fingers inevitably end up in your poopy anus after poking through our bathroom tissue even if you fold it over multiple times prior to wiping.
  7. 7.
    On any print magazine
    Not responsible for that sinking feeling you get that most of this periodical's pages are ads and/or advertorials nor for your suspicion that you read articles just like these in last month's issue that were just worded a little differently. You are responsible for recycling the sixteen blow-in cards you will find herein.
  8. 8.
    On commercial airline jets
    Not responsible for making sure that your recline works or that your tray table works or that your seat pocket isn't filled with E. coli from the diaper someone put in there on the last flight or that the inflight magazine crossword puzzle isn't half done or that you don't catch a cold or that you aren't seated next to a super sweaty, stinky guy.
  9. 9.
    On your cable or phone bill
    Not responsible for explaining to you what any of these suspicious, poorly-named fees are for.
  10. 10.
    On student loan promissory notes
    Not responsible for the existence of jobs in whatever field of study you pursue. Not responsible for casting a long, dark shadow over the rest of your life.