This has been my life
  1. Your dad almost dies
    Of lung cancer-related maladies. He didn't die, but he's still dying
  2. Someone you love breaks your heart
  3. Someone else you love also breaks your heart
  4. You get subpoenaed
    Long story. My ex is suing her ex-lawyer and I got dragged into it
  5. You get deposed
    Same long story
  6. You get audited-by-mail by the IRS
    I didn't try to cheat, but my number came up in a random audit and dealing with the paperwork is a P. I. T. A.
  7. You fight for custody of children with mediation lawyers
    My ex is so awesome
  8. You put on ten pounds
  9. You feel overwhelmed by the violence in every corner of the world
  10. You give up lip balm