25 THINGS I DON'T GET: PART 1

Part 1 of Infinity
  1. 1.
    The red drippy stuff atop a bottle of Maker's Mark
  2. 2.
    People who illuminate the front of their house
  3. 3.
    Why people shave poodles in those weird shapes but people don't shave most other dogs in those weird shapes.
  4. 4.
    Why "rhythm" is spelled like that
  5. 5.
    Reality TV
    It is in no way real
  6. 6.
    Fantasy sports
  7. 7.
    Sports
  8. 8.
    Contouring makeup
  9. 9.
    Spray-on tans
  10. 10.
    Why do bald-ish guys grow long beards?
  11. 11.
    Email "away" messages
    I don't want anyone to know where I am!
  12. 12.
    Logo wear
    Why do you want to be a billboard?
  13. 13.
    Reddit
  14. 14.
    Calling vanity license plates "vanity license plates."
    Seems to me you'd sell more of them if you don't make people feel conceited for buying them. Or at least hide it in myth a little and call them The Plates of Narcissus or something.
  15. 15.
    Why Facebook doesn't have a "dislike" button.
    Fuck forced positivism
  16. 16.
    Why 18-wheeler trucks are called "Semis." They aren't sort of a truck or half of a truck. They are full-on, big-ass fuckin' completely trucks.
  17. 17.
    Why it's called a "semicolon"? It isn't sort of like a colon at all. It is more of a "pseudoperiod."
  18. 18.
    Why the words "any time" are required on "No Parking Any Time" signs. Seems to me you only need to qualify it to indicate exceptions for when you are allowed to fucking park there.
  19. 19.
    A man deciding to wear a tank top ever
  20. 20.
    Duck face
    Never attractive
  21. 21.
    When does jogging turn into running? Is there an actual MPH threshold?
  22. 22.
    Why is the word "shuttle" required in the phrase "shuttle bus"? Do regular busses not also shuttle people around?
  23. 23.
    It's called a movie "trailer" but is played at the beginning?
  24. 24.
    Why—when you buy Peanut M&Ms at a movie theater nowadays—there is a bag of candy inside a box? Both are not required.
  25. 25.
    Why an individual candy piece in a box-bag of Peanut M&Ms is called an "M&M" instead of just an "M."