CARS I'VE HAD

Owned all of them except the Prius which I lease since owning is for suckas
  1. 1979 rust-colored Datsun 210
    Got as a birthday present from my dad when I was 17. I think he got it for free from a friend who fixed up cars. Was a total disaster. Rust everywhere, made loud bangs when you shifted gears, had to start with a screwdriver since the key lock was broken. Transmission died after about nine months.
  2. ~1985 reddish Ford EXP
    First car I bought for myself. Paid $600 for it in Madison, Wisconsin. Didn't like cold weather and died after nine months when one of the struts rusted straight through the frame. Still drove it for a few weeks after that because I was poor and had no other choice.
  3. ~1989 silver Ford Escort
    Bought from the dad of a friend who owned a Ford dealership for $1200 after Mom gave me a loan. Locks would freeze shut after every snowfall and I would have to climb in through the hatchback trunk and kick the people doors open after they thawed out a bit. Always overheated and had to put the heat on high in the summer to keep it from dying.
  4. 2000 black Honda Civic
    First car bought as a married person. Used it for years to commute 80 miles each way to work during the dot.com bust. Very safe, reliable but very boring car. Ended up putting 200,000 miles on it before I sold it. Was once backed into by a semi truck which shattered one of the rear windows.
  5. 2001 gold Honda Civic
    Because there's no way to be more married and boring than to buy another of the exact same car you already have in a different color. Currently sitting in my driveway waiting to be donated to the local public radio station because it requires $7000 in repairs and is only worth $900.
  6. 2007 gold Toyota Rav 4
    First brand-new car I ever bought. Main selling points were safety and side curtain airbags for the babies I was helping to create. Ex-wife got it as part of the divorce. Has a cool, fold-down third row of seats.
  7. 2015 black Toyota Prius
    Decided that I no longer wanted to own cars ever again if I can help it. Has features that amaze me every time I use them like the reverse camera (which I can't bring myself to trust) and bluetooth phone calls. Also love the totally unnecessary rear window windshield wiper. Back there. Wiping away for no reason. Power Mode negates fuel efficiency but is badass and fun to use when drag-racing other Priuses on the way to Whole Foods to get organic, free-range quinoa.