I lifted these all from George Carlin because they're hilarious. But suggest more. How did you talk back to YOUR parents?
  1. Don't talk back to me!
    You're teaching me a language, aren't you? Are you saying no more practicing?
  2. Don't you understand English?
    Not fully. No.
  3. How many times do I have to tell you...?
  4. You just wait until your father gets home.
    Hey, hot shit, that motherfucker never comes home. Thanks, ma, I'll see you later.
  5. Can't you get that through your thick skull?
    It keeps bouncing off my thinking cap!
  6. I'll wash your mouth out with soap!
    I'll blow bubbles out my ass!
  7. That's the thanks I get.
    That's. The thanks. You get.
  8. I have tried to be both a mother AND a father to you.
    Go fuck yourself!
  9. I wish you were never born. (Everybody's parents say this, right?)
    I wish that too.
    Suggested by @gwcoffey
  10. I hope you have a child just like you.
    Awesome. I am totally cool
    Suggested by @jillbasinger
  11. This will hurt me more than it'll hurt you.
    Then why don't you do us both a favor and just not hurt either of us?
    Suggested by @WhelmedDad
  12. Are you listening to me?
    Suggested by @WhelmedDad
  13. I thought we agreed you'd take a bath!
    No. You said I'd take a bath. I said nothing.
    Suggested by @WhelmedDad