Hi! Welcome to my list. 😀👍🏼
  1. First of all, the word "Craisins." What does it mean?
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  2. Does it mean "crazy raisins"?
  3. Are they crazy? No, they are not. Dried fruit is pretty average and boring.
  4. Are they raisins? No, they are not. They are cranberries.
  5. Ok, maybe they are "cranberry raisins"? No, they are not. That is not a thing that exists.
  6. Here is how the OED defines "raisin":
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  7. Are there grapes in it? No, there are not.
  8. Are there raisins in it? No, there are not.
  9. Is there grape juice in it? No, there is not.
  10. OK OCEAN SPRAY YOU JUST PICKED A RANDOM WORD TO NAME THIS GOOD JOB
  11. And how about that big word "cherry" on there or the pictures of cherries.
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  12. Are there cherries in it? No, there are not.
  13. Is there cherry juice in it? No, there is not. There is "cherry juice concentrate" in it, but that is not the same thing. And anyway there is more sugar in it than cherry juice concentrate.
  14. Ooooo it is gluten free. But that is kind of random. Is there normally wheat in dried cranberries? No, there is not. Why not also put " SHRIMP FREE" and "FREE RANGE" on there, too??
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  15. Ok, let's flip to the back! 💋😍🐢
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  16. There is basically no nutritional value in these things. And no vitamins.
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  17. The biggest ingredient other than cranberries is sugar.
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  18. Oooo and they are dyed elderberry-colored!
  19. FYI, one quarter cup of these fuckers has 29 grams of sugar. The WHO recommends 25 grams or less of sugar per day, per adult. So no more sugar for you, snacker!
  20. Ok it has a little Vitamin E, an antioxidant, in it. But you'd need to eat 11 CUPS of them to get your RDA of Vitamin E. Which would put your sugar intake at over 2 pounds!
  21. It says one serving of these = 1/2 cup of the USDA's recommended 2 cups of fruit per day. But if you eat it all in these cranberries, you get no vitamins (which fruit have) and 116 grams of sugar. Which is WAAAAAAAAY too much, silly eater person.
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  22. Calling dried cranberries covered in sugar "fruit" is the same as calling pizza sauce fruit. 🍕🍎❓
  23. THE END
  24. P. S. They should call them "Elderanberriesugar", short for "Elderberry-colored, dried cranberries doused in sugar."
  25. YUM
  26. P. P. S. I still ate them and they were delicious.
  27. P. P. P. S. I could not get it to reseal. LYING LIARS
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