HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS 🎄

🇫🇷 (sometimes humor helps)
  1. 1.
    Well so first of all he is up in his cave north of Who-ville just kind of being grouchy and hating on Christmas for inexplicable reasons. Some people think he is crazy and some think he is mean but no one knows for sure really.
  2. 2.
    And then the Grinch snarls and sneers and growls for a little bit in the general direction of the Who-ville and thinks about how he does not like noise of any kind in his ears.
  3. 3.
    And he imagines about how all the Whos are having a really good time during the Christmas and this makes the Grinch not be able to stand it in the least.
  4. 4.
    And when the Grinch imagines how the Whos will all start holding hands and singing in a big circle of mirth, he decides that enough is enough and he would like to have Christmas not happen anymore.
  5. 5.
    Then the Grinch gets an idea about stopping the Christmas.
  6. 6.
    So ok he makes what he calls a "Santy Claus" hat and coat and puts them on. He imagines that this makes him look exactly like the Santy Claus but in fact he would not fool anyone. He still looks like a crazy monster wearing a red shirt. He must be insane. It is like putting a yellow t-shirt with a black zaggy line on it onto Janet Reno and saying
    "Hey, looky, she now looks exactly like Charlie Brown!" See what I mean? So we now agree that the Grinch has not put enough time into his disguise but ok moving on.
  7. 7.
    Next he ties a horn onto the head of his poor dog with red thread because he thinks this makes the dog look like a reindeer. It does NOT. I have seen the picture and it truly looks like an unhappy dog with an antler glued onto its skull. This is animal abuse, Mr. Geisel, but ok you are famous and beloved.
  8. 8.
    Apparently the Grinch happens to have a sleigh in his cave. So next he pulls out his personal pan sleigh and puts a bunch of empty soiled-looking sacks upon it and ties his dog (named Max) to the sleigh and the poor dog pulls the Grinch toward Who-ville.
  9. 9.
    They do not look at all like Santa or reindeer or a real Santa sleigh and Santa flies through the goddam sky using Christmas magic and the Grinch is sliding along on the ground using no magic but never mind this detail for now because Dr. Seuss says everyone in Who-ville is asleep so they will not notice the Grinch not being in the sky.
  10. 10.
    The Grinch and the dog go to a house. Everyone is asleep in there. And while the Grinch could just maybe go into the front door, he decides to go down the chimney with an empty sack which sounds difficult and dangerous if you ask me. But that's what he does. At this point, Max looks like he wants to be dead and I feel very sorry for Max.
  11. 11.
    Somehow the Grinch defies gravity and hangs into the house upside down inside the fireplace. He then proceeds to take all the Christmas stockings and then the Christmas lights and then takes every present in sight.
  12. 12.
    He takes all of the Christmas food from within the icebox, even the Who-pudding. Even the Who-hash. (Sidebar: I would like to try Who-hash. Who among you List readers would also like to try Who-hash please raise your hands?)
  13. 13.
    Then the Grinch also takes the Christmas tree. They do not explain how he fits all of these things up the chimney or into his soiled bags but this is a fantasy tale and so we will maintain our suspension of disbelief. Maybe he has magic bags of holding like in those later Harry Potter books or like in the Dungeons and Dragons game. You know?
  14. 14.
    Uh oh. A girl wakes up. She thinks the Grinch is the Santy Claus so there must be something wrong with her vision because as stated he looks like an old man with red demon eyes.
  15. 15.
    He sells her a cock and bull story about fixing a Christmas light on the roof and gives her a Forget-Me-Now and sends her back to bed.
  16. 16.
    And then the Grinch steals even their Christmas log from their fireplace. I guess he wants to not only steal Christmas but also take all of their lives away as well.
  17. 17.
    Then the Grinch follows this same exact pattern at all of the other Who-ville houses and ends up with an improbably-overloaded sleigh full of all the Christmas Who gifts and decorations.
  18. 18.
    Super Max who somehow now has amazing mega-strength hauls all this stuff and the sleigh and the Grinch up a mountainside.
  19. 19.
    Then the Grinch is about to push his very own sleigh and all the Who stuff off a precipice when he waits to hear the Whos wail out in agony and despair about their stolen Christmas but guess what he hears MERRIMENT instead which surprises him and takes him aback.
  20. 20.
    The Grinch then pops and shakes. That is what the book says he does: pops and shakes.
  21. 21.
    The Whos are all holding hands and singing anyway, apparently unaware that all of their Christmas things and food and fire logs are gone? You would at least expect them to be upset about the missing fire logs. But none of them are wearing coats so maybe they are impervious to cold. I don't know. In any case, they keep singing. Oh I get it they
    are singing IN SPITE OF all their Xmas loot being stolen away because they have the Christmas spirit but I guess they are all also suicidal because UPDATE all their firewood is also gone.
  22. 22.
    Then the Grinch thinks for a while about how his big plan could have gone wrong and Max sits nearby continuing to look like he would rather be dead than hang out more with the Grinch.
  23. 23.
    Then the Grinch smiles and blows on a curvy horn.
  24. 24.
    Then the Grinch returns all of the Christmas things to the Who-ville people.
  25. 25.
    Then the Grinch has his heart grow dangerously large in size.
  26. 26.
    Then the Grinch himself carves the roast beast along with the merry Whos.
  27. 27.
    WAITAMINUTE WAITAMINUTE. It is at this point that the reader, you and me, realize that the entire book is a bait and switch.
  28. 28.
    Or at least the title is.
  29. 29.
    The Grinch does not steal the Christmas. He tries to, but it does not work.
  30. 30.
    A better title would be "How The Grinch Tried to Steal The Christmas But Does Not and Then Becomes Nice For a Reason That is Not Explained." or something along those lines.
  31. 31.
    In summary, the Grinch does not like loud noises and lives by himself and then he puts on an utterly-inadequate disguise that oh ok turns out to be adequate as the Whos cannot apparently see very well and then he breaks and enters and steals things and then gives them back
    and despite all this the Whos welcome him in for some reason and don't even make him take off his Santy Claus disguise when they should actually book him and put him in Who-Prison and or Who-beat him up for being so not Who-festive and or Who-jolly