IF I WAS A NINJA...

  1. I would sneak to the front of the line at the DMV to get my new driver's license picture taken
  2. I would start a website like Pinterest called Throwingstarest
  3. I wouldn't go for a walk through the park, I would go for a flying-sidekick through the park
  4. I would use nunchucks to tenderize my beef roast
  5. I would have a katana sword letter-opener
  6. I would use Ninja-brand kitchen products
  7. During sex, you would not be able to find my stealthy penis
  8. I would stay out of the sun because all black is HOT
  9. I would secretly sabotage everyone's lunches in the office refrigerator
  10. I would always win at hide-and-seek
  11. Every spice in my spice rack would wear little black bandanas
  12. I would infiltrate your box of Raisin Nut Bran cereal and eat all the raisin nuts
  13. I would blow-gun a poison dart into anyone running a leaf-blower
  14. All of a sudden, in the middle of an argument, I would completely blend into the pattern of the couch cushions
  15. My computer passwords would be so secret even I would not know them
  16. I could sneak away from myself
  17. I would use a rope and grappling hook to scale yo mama
  18. I would not hang clothing in my walk-in closet. I would hang enemies in my walk-in closet.
  19. I would have every Ninjago LEGO set