MY FAILED KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGNS

Apparently, I’m not very good at getting Kickstarter projects funded, but—rest assured, ListApp’ers—I’ll keep trying! What follows is a list of failures to date:
  1. 1.
    Paper Snowflakes http://kck.st/1JJdnMM The video for this project is comedy gold for which I won the Oscar that year for Best Comedy Performance in an Online Campaign category.
    The tag line was: “Happy holidays, world! This project is all about snowflakes. Paper snowflakes. And if you back this project, you, too, can have one or more of these unique paper snowflakes. Just like real snowflakes, no two paper snowflakes are alike! Consider this when making your pledge.” But no. Only 7 people backed the idea so, that year, Christmas was not everything that it could have been.
  2. 2.
    World's First Chief Poetry Officer http://kck.st/1Kp2amU
    “Wouldn’t it be awesome if every Fortune 500 company employed a full-time poet? Help me hire the 1st full-time, corporate poet.” I thought it'd be amazing to hire a full-time poet who'd follow me around all day, writing and reciting poetry about running a custom software development company. Unfortunately, no one else thought this was a good idea. Imagine all the poems we could have right now about Javascript and SQL! The world will never be able to read them, alas. "SELECT * FROM MISERY_CHRIS.”
  3. 3.
    Dinner For Some Hungry, Homeless People. A few years ago, a dude raised $54,000 to have a potato salad party.
    Sooooooo I thought “Gee, why don’t I create a project to feed the homeless?” I could not convince Kickstarter that this was an artistic project in any way and they would not let me post it. I have learned my lesson and next time it will be a “Feed the homeless while the homeless people make paper snowflakes party.” I hope you will make a sizeable pledge.
  4. 4.
    (I'm not kidding. He actually raised $55,000. To make a salad.)
  5. 5.
    A New U.S. Constitution
    Next, I’m going to try to fund the drafting of a brand new U. S. Constitution. We could use a new one. We need to ban guns and leaf blowers. Plus those parts in the current one about slavery are a little embarrassing. And homeless people need an unalienable right to potato salad. Anyway, wish me luck becoming a Founding Father!