MY GREAT MOVIES PITCHES

You can make movies out of any of these elevator pitched and not pay me. But I reserve the right to adapt the movie you make back into a movie pitch.
  1. Like Brokeback Mountain but with a man cowboy and a woman cowgirl
  2. Like Dumb and Dumber but Smarter and Smarterer
  3. Like Pitch Perfect but where they all sing very poorly and have no rhythm and are not attractive
  4. A horror movie where it just turns out to be a raccoon in the attic and no one gets hurt
  5. A western but in the east
  6. A time travel movie but where they can never get the time machine to work and everyone is very frustrated and the main character gets fired
  7. A buddy cop movie about two cops that have desk jobs and it is boring work and they hate it
  8. A western but in the south
  9. A sci-fi movie like E. T. but where E. T. eats Gertie
  10. Like Harvey but where Dowd gets lobotomized
  11. Like It's a Wonderful Life but realistic. It's a Realistic Life.
  12. Like Waiting For Godot but where they get sick of waiting and leave
  13. A movie about Jesus but just during when he's a carpenter. But a carpenter that does carpenter-y miracles. Like he can un-warp wood and levitate mallets and shit.
  14. Like When Harry Met Sally but with two Sallys and no Harrys
  15. A movie like Ocean's 11 but where they all get caught right away and go to jail
  16. Like Cowboys and Aliens but it's Knights in Shining Armor and Fairies
  17. A spaghetti western but with quinoa instead of spaghetti
  18. Like Hamlet but where Hamlet is too depressed to do anything. He just goes back to school.
  19. A romantic comedy about two people who never meet IRL but get married in World of Warcraft
  20. A silent Pixar animated movie about two beige squares that live on a beige background in a beige house. In Imax 3-D.
  21. A Godfather prequel that is an epic battle over olive oil rights in Sicily
  22. A sci-fi where some war computer like Skynet becomes self-aware but doesn't try to destroy humanity or enslave us. The A. I. likes us lots and just is our friend.
  23. Like Thelma and Louise but two men
  24. A silent film like The Artist but with talking and in color
  25. Like Jaws but oops it's a manatee you can keep swimming
  26. An English-language foreign film dubbed in English and subtitled in English
  27. A drama that's a true story about someone who lies 100% percent of the time so how do we know it's a true story??
  28. Like Office Space but it takes place in a small tent
  29. Like Home Alone but the kid they leave behind is in a coma
  30. A legal procedural about a really long, boring property tax reassessment case
  31. A sci-fi where we go to Venus for the first time but duh it is too hot there so they come home all disappointed and hungry
  32. Like Superman but where Superman is a terrorist
  33. A noir thriller where the private eye just can never figure out and solve the case. Darn it, he's just stumped!
  34. A zombie movie where everyone is already a zombie when the movie starts and the poor zombies are running out of food
  35. Like Dazed and Confused but with grade school kids and senior citizens
  36. Like The Sound of Music but the smell of music
  37. Like Psycho but it's the Bates Airbnb
  38. A movie about a team of ER doctors but godammit such a slow day. Just one guy with some splinters comes in and a lady who sprained a toe.
  39. Like Shakespeare in Love but about Heinrich Ibsen in love. Or Tony Kushner in love.
  40. A movie about people watching a movie about people watching a movie about people watching a movie about people watching a movie about people watching a movie about people watching a movieeople watching a movie about people watching a movie about people watching a movie about people watching a movie about people watching a movie about people watchi