Wouldn't it be great to actually know these statistics as we went through life in realtime? You know you'd want to know. Come on, Apple, invent this app!
  1. Times I've unwittingly eaten a large insect: 16
  2. Women who wanted me to ask for their phone number but I was too shy to: 280
  3. Hours until my death: 42,981
  4. Times a cook spit in my food: 6
  5. Times a cook jizzed in my food: 2
  6. Times I said something to someone that later made them cry: 1,269
  7. Times I did something that immediately led to someone's death: 2
  8. Squirrels I have run over: 1,390
  9. Insects that have exploded against my windshield: 2,452,601
  10. Books I have read: 4,612
  11. People who had serious crushes on me that never told me about it: 45
  12. Emails I have sent: 287,984
  13. Hours I have slept: 118,567
  14. Hours I've spent watching TV: 27,566
  15. Total calories I've burned: 29,412,500
  16. People I have slept with: 972
    JK
  17. Number of people who made a detailed plan to murder me: 6
  18. Total number of things I Liked on social media: 27,145
  19. Total number of days I spent Liking things on social media: 256
  20. Hours I spent waiting for a computer to do something: 17,512
  21. People who have secretly cheated on me: 8
  22. Times my regular Powerball numbers were the winning Powerball numbers but I forgot to play: 1
  23. Total $ I've spent on alcohol: $49,512
  24. Total miles I've traveled: 3,099,555
  25. Number of people I've met: 3,511
  26. Flights I missed that went on to crash: 1
  27. Gallons of coffee I've drunk: 89,223
  28. Words I know the definition of: 37,512
  29. Times a spider or cockroach has crawled across my face while I was asleep: 98
  30. Miles of toilet paper I've used: 57.4
  31. People alive right now that look exactly like me: 18
  32. Sentences I've said that no one else in the history of humankind has ever uttered before or since: 12
  33. Pancakes I've flipped: 2,001
  34. Diapers I've changed: 5,672