MY MORNING ROUTINE

  1. Make pipe bomb wicks
    I'm always running out 😢
  2. Kill a couple kittens and baby harp seals
  3. Sharpen my throwing daggers
  4. Work on my terrorist manifesto
  5. Make sure the electricity I'm stealing from my neighbor is still on
  6. Smoke some weed
  7. Eat some bullets
  8. Load all the automatic weapons
  9. Shower in baby blood
  10. Pray to Lucifer
  11. Pierce my own scrotum
  12. Murder a senior citizen
  13. Throw all my recycling in the trash
  14. Hope for the worst
  15. Plan a nuclear disaster
  16. Blow up a gas station
  17. Check Twitter
  18. Enjoy mint tea while reading Oprah Magazine on my back deck