PLANETS, RANKED

  1. 1.
    Mars
    Red. Martian Chronicles. Wanna go there. Mars rovers.
  2. 2.
    Venus
    Brightest thing in the sky besides the sun and moon. Surface temperature is melting point of lead. Grim example of where we're headed if we continue to ignore global warming.
  3. 3.
    Jupiter
    Big red spot. Always stormy. Huge mother fucker. Europa. 2001: A Space Odyssey. Io looks like the Death Star.
  4. 4.
    Neptune
    Weird-ass orbit around the sun. Tritan is cool and rotes around Neptune opposite the rotation of Neptune. Neptune is a cool blue color. It has subtle, amazing rings.
  5. 5.
    Saturn
    I think the rings are pretty interesting and I like them. Enceladus is pretty a'ight.
  6. 6.
    Pluto
    Cold and boring. I know. It was demoted. But it's a fucking planet for me forever. Underdog.
  7. 7.
    Mercury
    Hot and boring.
  8. 8.
    Uranus
    Victim of an unfortunate name.
  9. 9.
    Earth
    Populated by untrustworthy, violent organisms. Mostly harmless.