PROVERBS, IF THEY LITERALLY HAPPENED

  1. 1.
    Rupert had a solid gold quail in his hand that was worth $10,000 when he spied two diamond-encrusted silver quails in a mulberry bush valued at $5,000 apiece.
  2. 2.
    Felicia was very angry so she took the quartz geode paperweight from atop her oaken coffee table and threw it as hard as she could which was a terrible mistake as her 100% glass house completely shattered into tiny shards around her.
  3. 3.
    Andy took an apple from the bowl of apples that sat on a thin metal shelf affixed to the wall of his prison cell. As he bit into it, he idly read a note that he'd taped to the wall long ago which read "Andy, I'll be watching you via the closed-circuit prison security system. If you do not eat at least one apple each day, I'll come and murder you.
    Sincerely, Dr. Fitzpatrick, Prison Physician"
  4. 4.
    Sally was too impatient so she counted her eggs and there were eight. "I will sell you these eight eggs for eight dollars, Tina," she said to her farmer friend, Tina. Tina bought the eggs and put them in her basket and then three chickens hatched out of each egg for a total of twenty-four chickens and Sally felt frustrated because if she had
    only waited a few minutes more until the chickens had hatched, she could have asked for more money.
  5. 5.
    Horatio had thirty dogs and he decided it would be fun to name each day in the month of September after each one of the dogs so that each dog had its own day and thereby felt very special and beloved by Horatio.
  6. 6.
    David had a Goliath-sized pen with which he vanquished Goliath, who had armed himself with an inadequately David-sized sword.
  7. 7.
    "Stan is a man, Dave is a man, and Carl is a man, Pauline, and it was ridiculous of you to suggest that any of these men were islands no matter how long they'd been floating alone in the ocean after the shipwreck!"
  8. 8.
    "I will exchange this notebook filled with 1,000 interesting adverbs for that single photograph of a dictionary, Edna. Do we have a deal?"
  9. 9.
    The robins were all supposed to meet at the city park water fountain at eight a.m. sharp, but McTweeterson, the smallest of the robin family, arrived an hour early (because his watch had stopped working, unbeknownst to him) just as a fat, juicy earthworm popped out of the dirt and McTweeterson gobbled it right up!
  10. 10.
    Anton filled a large pot with water and set it out on the back deck directly in a warm circle of sunbeams and watched and watched and watched the pot for fourteen years but the pot of water never ever reached boiling temperature.