SIX THINGS I AM INSECURE ABOUT

I'm not fishing for compliments. I know these are mostly irrational insecurities, but I feel them anyway.
  1. 1.
    That my nose is too big/ugly/knobby
  2. 2.
    That my voice is too nasal-y/whine-y sounding
  3. 3.
    That my little 43-three-year-old-dude muffin top looks super not sexy when I wear slim-fit jeans
  4. 4.
    That I bore the fuck out of people by monologuing at them
  5. 5.
    That my bitten-down fingernails are woefully unattractive
  6. 6.
    That I let my kids (9 & 12) watch too many YouTube videos that contain swearing and therefore I must be a terrible, no-good, very bad dad