Subliminal captions for airport signs ✈️

(I saw all these on my way to Long Island today to work for the US Dept. of Homeland Security. Yep, my day job is being Jack Ryan. Kinda.)
  1. 1.
    THIS FLOOR WILL MAKE YOU SLIDE INTO SECOND BASE
  2. 2.
    THIS WAY TO THE CASTE SYSTEM
  3. 3.
    WE DID NOT ASK FOR A KIOSK NEXT TO STARBUCKS AND YET HERE WE ARE ANYWAY
  4. 4.
    THE BOOKS WE WERE PAID BY PUBLISHERS TO FACE OUT HERE
  5. 5.
    PEOPLE EMERGING FROM MULTI-DIMENSIONAL PORTAL IN FLOOR HERE
  6. 6.
    NO SMOKING WHILE FLOATING IN OCEAN
  7. 7.
    LIGHTSABER STORAGE AREA BELOW
  8. 8.
    CAN YOU FIND THE NINE, GLOW-IN-THE-DARK, BARE-CHESTED TODDLERS WITH LONG NIPPLES ON BOARD THE AIRCRAFT?
  9. 9.
    CAUTION: LASER TRIANGLE MAY CUT OFF YOUR FEET AND HANDS AS YOU PASS THROUGH IT
  10. 10.
    BEWARE: ELATED TRAVELERS SKIPPING AND JUMPING AHEAD
  11. 11.
    FRENCH OCEAN ROOM
  12. 12.
    WE DIDN'T KNOW DOGS WERE ALLOWED IN AIRPORTS EITHER LET ALONE THIS BATHROOM-SIZED DOG PARK
  13. 13.
    THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY A ROOM, JUST A LOCKED DOOR TO NOTHING
  14. 14.
    NO REALLY ARE YOU AN I.T. PERSON? ALL OUR COMPUTERS GOT BROKE.