Ten Olympic Events I Would Watch, If They Existed

The Olympics need an official-sport-refresh. Here are some ideas.
  1. 1.
    100 meter napping
  2. 2.
    Marathon book-reading
  3. 3.
    Synchronized kindness
  4. 4.
    Seven minutes in heaven
  5. 5.
    Dodge ball
  6. 6.
    Speed crossword puzzle-solving
  7. 7.
    Pokémon-catching
  8. 8.
    Snake-charming
  9. 9.
    Pie-eating
  10. 10.
    Global thermonuclear war-mongering