THE BAHAMAS 🌴☀️, ACCORDING TO MY KIDS (IN THEIR OWN WORDS)

  1. Izzie, 11.8, and Charlie, 8.5, just went on their first international trip with their Mom. Destination: the Bahamas. I just interviewed them about it and here is what they had to say, in their own words:
  2. Charlie: It is always so fun to pee in a plane bathroom while it’s flying, Dad.
  3. Izzie: Mom would not let us hold our own passports. SO annoying.
  4. Charlie: In this place called The Straw Market, we saw this person ACTUALLY WEAVING.
  5. Me: What were they weaving?
  6. Charlie: STRAW, DAD.
  7. Me: No, I mean what were they making with the straw?
  8. Charlie: Oh, who knows.
  9. Izzie: I got these braids and beads in the Straw Market. They’re amazing! But I want them out RIGHT NOW, DAD. UGH.
  10. Charlie: The hotel room was this boring place where you go to between fun things and rest and play your iPad or whatever.
  11. Izzie: There was this festival thing where you go buy tickets and there are activities and rides and stuff.
  12. Charlie: Most activities were 6 tickets which is pretty a lot.
  13. Izzie: There was an activity called the “Goo Spa” where you can make your own body wash and put stuff in it and it was SO SEXIST, dad. There was a girl side where you could only put things in like glitter. And the boy side had plastic spiders. Ugh.
  14. Charlie: The best waterslide was a tube slide called The Surge.
  15. Izzie: The worst one was The Abyss. What kind of name is that? A kind that scares children away, that’s what kind. Neither of us went on that one, Dad.
  16. Charlie: We had to walk through an enormous casino of old people to get to the water slides. So long a walk.
  17. Izzie: At one point we went to Dolphin Cay and had a dolphin interaction. We also snorkled with cow-nose rays and sharks.
  18. Charlie: The starfish were the weirdest thing we saw snorkling.
  19. Izzie: I agree. I mean, how do you push your stomach out of your mouth to eat without all the food that’s in there already coming out??
  20. Charlie: Two words, Dad: Teen Titans was playing on the airplane video service!
  21. Izzie: One day we went to downtown Nassau and saw a pirate museum, some other museum and ate a coconut.
  22. Izzie: We bought two conch shells and a starfish. All of which were stinky. Because something died in them or something ate the creature that had been in there and left a stinky part remaining.
  23. Izzie: We ate conch fritters, my favorite conch dish by far. Also, grilled cracked conch is way better than fried cracked conch.
  24. Charlie: The hotel restaurant had an amazing dessert called English Truffle. It made me sick.
  25. Izzie (rolls eyes): It was disgusting. And served in this really contrived way in a martini glass.
  26. Izzie: When you feed rays, you have to hold your hand really flat so the rays don’t accidentally bite your fingers.
  27. Charlie: The sharks knew we were humans because of our masks. And were frightened!
  28. Charlie: We made wax hands. You put your hand in really cold water for 20 seconds and then dip them multiple times in hot wax. They were great but got crushed in the suitcase. Oh well. Who needs wax hands?
  29. Izzie: The Bahamas is way poorer than I expected.
  30. Charlie: There were a lot of African-American people there trying to sell their products.
  31. Izzie: Charlie, THOSE WERE BAHAMIANS! Anyway, we saw some Asians, too, but they were tourists. But we couldn’t tell if they were Asian-Americans or just regular Asians.
  32. Charlie: It is so hot there you have to wear sunscreen every minute, even while you are asleep in your room.
  33. Me: Did you guys go to any beaches or swim in the sea?
  34. Izzie: Why would we??
  35. 🌴☀️