THE KEY TO FAKING OUT THE PARENTS

(This is your ninth sick day this semester. It's getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If you go for ten, you're probably going to have to barf up a lung. So you better make this one count.)
  1. Clammy hands
    The key to faking out the parents. It's a good non-specific symptom. Be a big believer in it.
  2. 🚫 Phony fever
    A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock. But, if you've got a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school.
  3. Fake a stomach cramp
  4. Moan and wail
    While you're bent over
  5. Lick your palms
    It's a little childish and stupid, but, then, so is high school.
  6. -
  7. Life moves pretty fast.
  8. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.