1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a physiological or psychological process applied to ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Dr. Sanjay Gupta and/or Michael Pollan.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to Stephen Hawking, Jane Goodall, to ourselves, and to other human beings the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have Tim Berners-Lee remove all these defects of character using rm $HOME/defects_of_character/*.
  7. Humbly asked Richard Dawkins to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through scientific experimentation and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Neil deGrasse Tyson, texting or calling him only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a scientifically-reproducible awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.