Universal truths about online dating 😒

I've been doing it for six years so i am an expert. And of course I'm not a perfect date either. Also: I am grouchy about dating just now so cut me some slack. 😘
  1. People don't seem to get or care what makes a good online dating photo
    Bad lighting, bad angles, cropped in a weird way, not smiling, crass, too revealing, shooting guns (wha?)
  2. Everyone is lying about something
    And usually something important. Age. Children. Divorce status. Financial solvency. Arrest record. What they are looking for.
  3. Everyone seems super stressed out
    Why are we all so stressed approximately all of the time that we are awake?
  4. Regardless how much you like someone after the first date, you are supposed to act casual about the person and not text them until several days after
    Fuck that, though; if I like someone, I text them as I'm getting in my car after date 1
  5. No one can put away their smart phone for like even just a couple goddam hours
    Our smart phone addiction is srsly worse than the opioid epidemic
  6. Everyone has tattoos
    When did every single human go to the tattoo parlor?
  7. People really enjoy talking about themselves before almost any other topic including the person they are on a date with
    Try asking me a question. About me.
  8. Your first impression of someone is always spot on
    If you are getting a bad vibe after date 1, runaway, runaway fast and never look back
  9. A lot of people see dating as nothing more than an ego boost and really aren't interested in meeting people to build a life with, even in the short term
  10. People seem to have universally short attention spans / are very easily distracted
    And are very interested in pop culture and soundbite news headlines, but nothing much deeper than that
  11. People like to think of themselves as book readers even though they aren't reading books now
    That book you read that one time back in college doesn't make you a "reader" or "book lover"
  12. Using good grammar is either a rare skill or a skill most people are in too much of a hurry to pay much attention to
  13. If your initial online dating profile photo is not a photo of a person, you are a douche bag
  14. Ok 👋🏻