WE'LL NEED NEW ADAGES AND TRUISMS WHEN WE LIVE IN OUTER SPACE

When some of us live in outer space most of the time, we'll need new adages and truisms to remind us how to live safely and well. The old adages will no longer "hold water" or make sense in space.
  1. Hold Water
    You can't hold water when there is no gravity. Unless the water is in a Ziplock® bag.
  2. A rolling stone gathers no moss
    Stones don't roll in space and there is no moss in space. And don't bring stones into space in the first place as they can float into something sensitive and destroy it.
  3. An apple a day keeps the doctor away
    Apple trees don't grow in space so apples will be scarce & you won't be allowed to have 1 every single day. You will have to ration your apples. Plus, chances are your vertical sleeping bag will be next to the doctor's sleeping bag & nothing will keep him or her away from you. & if you don't have a doctor with you in space then the simple economic fact that bringing the doctor up there is prohibitively expensive will keep him or her away and it has nothing to do with how many apples you consume.
  4. A stitch, in time, saves nine
    If your space suit has even one hole, you will die posthaste. You won't have time to get out your sewing kit and even if you did there is no way you could thread a needle with those ginourmous rubber finger tips.
  5. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
    Ok, ok, this one is okay. If you make your space house out of glass you should not throw stones while inside it. That would immediately kill you. But I do take issue with the soundness of building space houses out of glass. That seems like a bad idea due to micro-meteors and cosmic rays. And we've already covered how bringing stones into space isn't a clever idea.
  6. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink
    Nobody is going to bring a horse into space because the horse would freak out. Second, you can't lead something somewhere in space. You could float together with them/it somewhere, though. Finally, even if you got the horse into space and near water there is no way you could teach the horse to drink through a straw or hose.
  7. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise
    There is no early or late in space since the sun never rises or sets. It's just there, always there, always shining. Driving you slowly insane.
  8. He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas
    You can't lie down in space. There is no "down" in space. Don't bring dogs into space since a dog having an accident outside of the vacuum toilet would be disgusting and a disaster.
  9. Good fences make good neighbors
    There is no land in space and thus no way to erect a fence between your property and someone else's property. Plus, chances are if you actually have a "neighbor" they will be light years away and there would be no need of a fence.
  10. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure
    Everything is weightless!
  11. We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately
    Nothing hangs in space.
  12. A penny saved is a penny earned
    Let's hope very much that we have done away with the one-cent coin by the time we are living in space. Let's hope that by then, we round up and sell stuff for a goddam $1.00. Or that we'll be using Credits or Apple Pay.
  13. A friend in need is a friend indeed
    Even your very best, most sincere friend can do little to help you if you are faced with an emergency in space and your friend is not also in space.
  14. Birds of a feather flock together
    Don't bring birds into space. They can't fly in space and it will make them sad and disoriented. Also, birds are not genetically programmed to be able to flock without gravity.
  15. Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; show him how to catch fish, and you feed him for a lifetime
    Pretty sure there aren't space lakes. Probably could change this one to something about showing someone how to create oxygen from asteroids or water from moon rock.
  16. It ain't over till the fat lady sings
    Nothing against overweight folks but, pound for pound, they are a much more expensive payload and, at least initially (and for this reason), there won't be fat people in space singing or otherwise. Anyone could still sing to people in space via satellite phone or radio, however. But it would be difficult for anyone on the ground to know when you had completed a task without being with you in space and thus you would know when it was over well before the singing person knew.
  17. It never rains, but pours
    There is no weather in space. Maybe we can come up with a saying that is meteor-shower-related?
  18. Nature abhors a vacuum
    That's all space is—a vacuum. So if you go around thinking Nature abhors where you live you will get depressed. How about "Nature abhors an atmosphere."
  19. The bigger they are, the harder they fall
    Not in space!
  20. What goes up must come down
    Once something starts to head in one direction it will continue in that direction until force is applied to its opposite side. Also: no up, no down.
  21. You can't judge a book by its cover
    Unfortunately, eBooks don't really have covers anymore. And paper books will be too heavy to bring with you into space.
  22. You are what you eat
    This one is true, but thinking about drinking your own (and other people's) recycled urine will make you throw up.