THINGS ABOUT ME THAT PEOPLE SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR

  1. I almost always wash my hands after I poop
  2. I am an expert at Seinfeld trivia
  3. I hardly ever sneeze without a little teetee coming out
  4. I courtesy wipe approximately twice a day
  5. The ratio of appropriate to inappropriate things I say is starting to lean towards the appropriate as I grow older
  6. I am aware of my coffee breath
  7. Proctology is a hobby of mine
  8. I recognize that I talk about poop and pee more than the avg adult