Mean Things I've Said to My Dog
A running list.
- •"Why are there little poo crunchies stuck to your b-hole?"
- •"You look concerned. Are you worried there won't be biscuits in doggy heaven?"(She is hella old and we're basically just waiting for her to die at any moment.)
- •Errbody in the club gettin' tipsy?as she drank out of her water bowl
- •Please stop licking my pants. I feel like I shouldn't have to tell you that more than once.
- •You really need to be more careful about the things you put in your mouth.To which she replied, "That's what she said."
- •Why are you sulking? Are you sad because you don't have thumbs?
- •Did you clean up all the poop in the yard? That's the secret to ever-youthful life, isn't it.
- •Please stop. I feel sad when you lick my ham.This was to the cats, but still.
- •DON'T FART ON ME. Wait, when did you have eggs?
- •Do you want to come in my lap?To which my husband immediately followed up with "That's what she said."
- •If you poop on the driveway again I will strangle you with my bare hands.
- •Hey Weezie! What's shakin', old girl? Is it your legs?#DegenerativeMyelopathy
- •Your breath smells like 1000 dirty crotches.