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  1. My dog Noodles
  2. This old cannon
  3. Hooters boobs
7 more...
  1. You're the last living soul during a zombie apocalypse.
  2. Your girlfriend just dumped you.
  3. National Drink Alone Day
5 more...
  1. Miss Hathaway catches the bridal bouquet at Ellie May and Jethro's wedding.
  2. You actually see Radar's fingerless hand.
  3. Jan learns a valuable lesson after burning the Brady house to the ground.
5 more...
  1. LITHUANIA: The bride and groom are not officially proclaimed married until the lighting of the ceremonial potato pancake.
  2. PORTUGAL: Congratulations to the mother of the bride is expressed by two squeezes of her left breast with a hearty "Olp, Olp!" ("Honk, Honk!")
  3. UKRAINE: Among the most solemn moments of the ceremony is Procession of Guests Who Slept with the Bride.
7 more...
  1. A broken pair of sunglasses
  2. Little River Band cassette
  3. A fake mustache
5 more...
  1. Go to a clinic.
  2. Call it an STD. It's 2016 already.
  3. Scratch it like you're playing a daily lotto.
3 more...
  1. Chump
  2. Rump
  3. Helen Krump
5 more...
  1. It's a new dawn.
  2. The Onion, McSweeney's, and Jo-Ann Fabrics do it.
  3. Works better when toe-texting.
2 more...
  1. I'm stuck in rush hour.
  2. I'm in a job interview.
  3. I'm in a hot air balloon.
10 more...
  1. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man / Hitler
  2. Blue M&M / Kony 2012
  3. Melania Trump / Donald Trump
5 more...