1. "The records are mine, the genital warts you can keep."
  2. "So now that my dinner plans for tonight are clear.....can I get that $50 you owe me? Tinder is blowing me up this week."
  3. "Was it the rimming? Please tell me it wasn't the rimming!"
  4. "Oh thank God! Now I can focus on my wine consumption without the judgement."
  5. "You need to focus on you? Big departure from the last 5 months."
  6. "You're crying? Well I am ill-equipped to comfort you here soooooo..... Get the fuck out? Sorry....."
  7. "Is this about that bartender that was hitting on you? Well best of luck to ya'll, don't make eye-contact with me at trivia night."
  8. "Really trivia night at Dirty o'Shannahan's is mine, at least give me Dirty's."
  9. "You are leaving town and want to be unattached? Hey, road-whoring is tough on relationships, I hear."
  10. "It's your baby. See you in court, sucker."
  11. "Well that's great news... For my parents. Bye."
  12. "Sweet! Is your sister back from India? I'm just.... Put that down. It's a collectors itemohgodwhaaaatdidyoujystdoooo."
  13. "Well this is going to make Wednesday adult kickball just awful for everyone."