PLACES MY KEYS ARE NOT

I have been unable to locate my keys for two days. This is maddening, in addition to being highly inconvenient.
  1. On the designated key hook.
  2. In my bag.
  3. In my other bag.
  4. In any pocket of any article of clothing I own.
  5. In the ignition of my car.
  6. On the back of the toilet.
  7. With my phone.
  8. In the refrigerator.