7 THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE GETTING AN IUD
Is an intrauterine device right for you? Here are a few basic things you should know before making the big decision.
- 1.In a spy movie, it would be cool if a female agent removed her IUD and used it to pick a lockWe’re not sure if that’s even possible, but it would be sort of a neat scene.
- 2.The hormones are less severe, but they make you sad about carsThough an IUD might not pump you with as many hormones as the pill, the hormones it does emit make you inconsolable about cars. It’s like they’re slaves.
- 3.You can still go in helicoptersThere is no reason why you would have to avoid helicopters if you have an IUD.
- 4.All your future descendants will turn transparent and fade away from the timelineThe moment the IUD is implanted, all your descendants will have just enough time to stare in horror at their vanishing hands before they’re erased from history.
- 5.The IUD is shaped like a T so that each sperm can be crucifiedIUDs are highly effective at preventing pregnancy because each sperm dies on the IUD in the manner of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
- 6.Sometimes a macho sperm just barrels throughWhile an IUD is generally reliable, every once in a while, a monster sperm with a python-sized tail just swims past it like a speeding cannonball. You’re not stopping that sucker from being born.
- 7.You can’t get your favorite sports team’s logo on it yetThe FDA has currently only approved three types of IUDs for the market, and unfortunately, none of them let you show your team pride.