RUNNING INTO YOUR EX: AN ETIQUETTE GUIDE

Running into an ex after a breakup is never a pleasant thing. It can be awkward, and even painful, but sometimes it’s just unavoidable. Here are a few tips for how to get through this tricky social situation with your heart and your dignity intact.
  1. Initiate the interaction by pouring an entire bottle of okay whiskey onto the ground and saying, “Such was our love."
  2. Don’t try to make your ex jealous by making love to a beautiful person right there in front of them.
  3. If you have run into your ex at the grocery store, be sure to end every sentence with the phrase “Welcome to the grocery store."
  4. Show your ex that you’ve moved on by telling them all the facts about tobacco you’ve learned since you broke up.
  5. If you run into your ex while you are with a friend, do not introduce your ex to your friend as “my old nude friend from the past."
  6. If you have recently murdered a crow, nonchalantly hold the crow’s corpse over your head.
  7. Do not surrender the Glove: Try to be gracious and polite, but if your ex asks you for the Glove, stand your ground and refuse to give it up. The Glove is yours, and you don’t owe it to anyone.