My Cat Is A Fuckhead

Please pardon my language
  1. It is night time and I am in bed because tomorrow is the first day of school 🎈
  2. It's also the first day of rowing practice, so my alarm is set for 4:50AM
  3. During the summer I let my cats sleep in my room with me, because I didn't have roommates and I could keep the door open all night
  4. If I don't keep the door open all night I'm afraid the cats will poop in my room or something
  5. Also they will wake me up by meowing really loudly when they want to leave the room
  6. But I'm keeping them out now cause I don't wanna deal with that and I don't want to deal with them waking me up in other ways
  7. Like banging on the door to my bathroom cause they're obsessed with the toilet
  8. Or banging on the door of my closet because they're assholes and need to have access to every inch of my room at all times
  9. Or randomly leaping on to my chest in the middle of the night
  10. It's hard to get a good night's sleep with constant racket
  11. So yeah I closed the door on them. Locked em out
  12. And guess what
  13. They're doing
  14. It would appear that one of them has been grievously injured, and is screaming to the heavens, hoping a loving God might hear his pain
  15. The other is wailing for his brother, and scrabbling at the door to my room
  16. And one of them is periodically slamming his body against the door
  17. And then all goes quiet, but only so long as they need to regain their strength
  18. And again wage war on the door
  19. These STUPID CATS that aren't bothered to be near me ANY OTHER TIME OF DAY
  20. Their goddamn LIVES ARE ENDING now that I've closed a door on them
  21. And am I sleeping peacefully through their attempts to win my pity?
  22. I am not.