THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY TO MY DAD

My old man.
  1. "Nice shoes."
    I wish I could lie to the poor guy, but that man wears some bad sneakers.
  2. "You can't say that in this restaurant."
    What does he think this place is, a bike bar? Watch your mouth Daddy-o.
  3. "Can I have your croutons?"
    My dude never eats his croutons. I'd love to ask for them but I'm afraid there's something wrong with them.
  4. "What's up Pops?"
    I called him Pops one time and he popped me right in the damn mouth.
  5. "It's pronounced 'window' you fucking idiot."
    Self-Explanatory
  6. "Can I mow the lawn?"
    Please let me do it one time. I swear I'll do a good job.